Wal-Mart Central Intelligence

 

 

I cannot believe you guys! You could go anywhere to buy your food, your housewares, your girlie magazines. But you chose Wal-Mart, the most evil retail chain on Earth!

 

 

 

 

Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to retract that remark.

We don't sell girlie magazines.

Oh.

Well, what about this? Someone around here just bought Silence of the Lambs on DVD. Did Wal-Mart profit from that consumer urge as well?

 

 

 

 

I doubt it, ma'am. Wal-Mart does not sell movies with excessive objectionable content.

 

 

 

 

Well, what do you sell?

Guns.

 

 

Lots and lots of guns.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guns that any child could pick up.

And take to school.

But we won't sell Maxim.

That would be immoral.

Well, I'll tell you this. I am so ashamed that so many of you shop at Wal-Mart, a cultural void that mistreats its employees, lies to the public, and ruthlessly crushes its competitors --- meaning everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...And pick up the tasty $50,000 reward.

We know, Echo, that Wal-Mart is where you purchased...

...Echo, who is awfully young to be a regular reader of Doonesbury...

...Echo, who doesn't get enough Vitamin B12 in her diet...

...Echo, formerly of 31 Bell Street, Seattle, Washington, 98100...

Don't act so innocent, Echo...

It doesn't matter. Our concern is to retrieve the stolen merchandise and prosecute the thief.

How dare you accuse me! I made that Kevin Spacey from scratch!

Well, Echo?

KEVIN SPACEY!

Maybe it just feels like they're burning...because you are so flaming.

*walks in*

Ooh, my ears are burning! Someone must be talking about me.

Oh, that is such a lie!

 

 

It was, but we rolled it back.

 

 

 

What?! I thought the bounty on my head was $75,000!